In a city this big, you can often meet someone in a bar, through the internet, work, or a class, start a fling, and never really find out who that person is.  This is a sad thought in my mind.

Many people find it easier to claim themselves as “free-spirits,” passing through passable romances, than to actually admit how nice it would be if they allowed themselves the opportunity to trust and care deeply about someone else.

I happened to catch a movie recently that I think ties into this topic: Elegy, released this past August.

Based on Phillip Roth’s book The Dying Animal, Elegy is an indie film that stars Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz. The story takes place in NYC and centers on an aging, divorced literature professor and his relationship with an MFA student. At first wildly allured and attracted to Cruz, Kingsley’s character was just looking for a sexual relationship.

However, as it turns out, Cruz’s company proves to move him toward realms of unexpected, deep feelings that send him into a spin. Confused, restless, obsessed, he toys with ending the relationship for fear she will “ruin him.”

When Cruz confidently asks if he has anything in mind for their future, he replies to the effect of, “Well, I would imagine you will get bored and move on to someone younger.” She responds, “I didn’t ask what I was gonna do, I asked what you wanted to do with me.” He can’t make any promises. She calls him out quite bluntly: “You go from relationship to relationship without ever really bonding with anyone.”

This was, I thought, a very powerful line. Sadly, so much in this town, we let our paranoia get in the way before we allow space for truly experiencing someone. Is he gonna call? Is she just teasing me? I don’t have time for someone like him/her, I need to be in a better place, I don’t have enough money, etc. It’s like our hang-ups get recycled and passed on into all of our interactions. When does it stop?! How about right now.

I wish we could all be warriors, gracefully living in the moment and capable of dealing with all the questions and limbo periods that come with getting to know a potential partner. At this moment, I for one, am in a particular limbo state. I’m trying to process a very intense interaction with a fellow I don’t know too well, but for whom I feel strongly anyway.  I am afraid that I “gave too much” without knowing where we stood in the relationship.

I have no idea what will happen now. At this stage, the only thing I can do, and what I pass on to you, is be okay not knowing. Sounds simple, right? Well, ignorance is bliss. Maybe Penelope Cruz’s character would have disagreed, but life events and love do test her ideals in the movie. I won’t reveal the end of the film;you’ll have to be okay not knowing, but you should see it and find out.