The 2008 Presidential Election was a banner political season for a multitude of reasons. We saw the election of the first African-American to the White House. We experienced the nauseating, head-spinning madness of Palintological linguistics. And, we witnessed the inimitable, indefatigable, Joe the Plumber.

This latest, post-election package, though, trumps all: the Barack Obama Dildo, the “Head O State,” a sex toy shaped like the 44th President of the United States. See for yourself. Talk about a stimulus package!

“You love your candidate,” the website states. “Let him love you back!”

Accompanying the website is an assortment of bed-sheet couplets that only a politically motivated pornographic site could ever create.

“The Head o State will stay upright and last all night!”

“Feeling blue? Have Obama come to you!”

“Lost your 401K? Buy Obama today.”

Also featured are fictitious, albeit ringing, endorsements from Sarah Palin, who proudly exclaims “Drill, baby, drill!” John McCain, who says, “This one’s fully vetted,” and even Dick Cheney, who slyly remarks, “I’ve had one stuck in me since ’82.” Sadly, though, Head O State neglects to utilize the best line of all, that being George W. Bush’s famous, authentic pronouncement of “Mission Accomplished!”

The descriptions of the sex toy are equally audacious. Standing 7 ½ inches tall, the “Big O,” as it is nicknamed, is nearly 2 inches in diameter and weighs approximately 14 ounces. Made in the USA from the finest TPR, Phthalate-free rubber, the dildo is even waterproof! Also, since all companies are going green, the Big O does not require batteries.

And it can be yours for only $34.95! Buy three and you get free shipping!

Even if you are not already sold, based on the impeccable, fluid sales pitch and strong, firm product description, there is a true coup de grace in store: the website offers additional pictures of the Head O State! You can see a 360-degree pan of the Big O in BOTH COLORS, democratic blue and solid gold.

But wait, there’s more! After the Big O has accomplished its goal — after the seas have parted, the skies have opened, and you have shouted the timeless refrain of “Yes We Can!” — you can cuddle next your loved one in a kind, warm, democratic fashion wearing the Head O State t-shirt! When you go to work the following morning, you can don the Head O State baseball cap! And finally, when you arrive at work and park your President-elect-loved sweetness in your cubicle, you can spend eight hours admiring the Head O State poster!

Now.

All sophomoric kidding aside, the Barack Obama sex toy is the latest example in a long and stunning line of products and euphemisms that ever so subtly hint at our 44th president’s surprising attractiveness.

The presidency has never been the most glamorous of positions. Sure, Lyndon Johnson, Jack Kennedy, and Franklin Roosevelt frequented multiple mistresses, and Bill Clinton’s libido is so potent that he apparently has the ability to seduce lesbians. However, the terms “president” and “sexy” are rarely used in the same sentence. Can anybody, honestly, imagine a Jimmy Carter sex toy?

Barack Obama, though, is obliterating that stereotype with the charisma of a nuclear warhead. A Google search of the words “Barack Obama” and “sexy” yielded an astonishing 3,340,000 hits. Barbara Walters, always known for her peerless journalistic integrity, giddily said to Obama when he appeared on “The View,” “You’re very sexy!” And on Dec 22, photographs were leaked on the web showing a buff President-elect leaving a Hawaiian gym, causing a web-based firestorm (and in case you were wondering, a Google search of “Obama” and “shirtless” produced 4,390,000 hits).

Paul Begala, a CNN pundit and former advisor to Bill Clinton, put it best on an appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher:

Maher: You said “politics is show business for ugly people.”

Begala: Yes, I said that, but it doesn’t work now because Barack Obama is so darn good looking!

Our president, as a patently obvious pattern of events shows, is one sexy dude, and even as a heterosexual male, I can honestly see why. Blessed with a deep, romantic baritone of a voice, Obama would make the Yellow Pages sound sexy. Boasting a broad smile and pearly white teeth, Obama has a grin that could melt butter. And finally, wearing glistening, tailor-made suits and the best build of any modern president, Obama is one styling politician.

But what does our commander-in-chief’s sex appeal mean for the state of American politics? What does it signify for the US electorate?

In short, we can’t say. Whereas approval ratings and different public polls are the clearest and most coherent (if not most accurate) entry to the popular conscience, Obama’s re-election, which is four long years from now, will be the true test of his sexual magnetism, and the one group to specifically watch for evidence of that attraction are married women.

Historically a right leaning demographic, women have a tendency to move to the right of the political spectrum when they tie the knot, whether the groom is John Wayne or Warren Beatty.

While it seems like a ridiculous proposition, it truly is a curious predicament: what effect will our president’s sexuality have on his re-election? As stated earlier in this essay, the Obama effect is an unprecedented characteristic in modern American politics, so the simplest (and safest) response is we do not know.

But come Nov 5 of 2012, I will be eagerly anticipating the pivotal exit-poll question of, “What impact did Barack Obama’s sexuality have on your vote?”