Some brides plan their wedding day down to every detail: calla lilies will adorn the tables, sweet butter cream will frost the four-tiered cake, bridesmaids will wear cranberry dresses with satin trim, and the wedding gown will have champagne taffeta and tulle.

But what happens when the bride has little control over her choice of spouse? Chances are, if you grew up in the US, your dream does not include a groom you met only weeks before the big day.

Though popular in places like India, Pakistan, China, Africa, and the Middle East, arranged marriage is not presently a common practice in the US. However, up to 60% of marriages around the world are arranged. In India 90% of all marriages are arranged. These numbers may surprise you if you’ve grown up in a culture that values falling in love over the pragmatic process of choosing a life partner based on set criteria, but for many it is a way of life.

Arranged marriage has existed for many years, most likely as long as the institution of marriage itself. In the past, the parties involved usually had little to no say in choosing their life partner. Sometimes a spouse was chosen during childhood.

Modern arranged marriages, more and more influenced by Western culture, are not so inflexible. They involve two people who put the trust in their parents, relatives, religious leaders, and match-makers to choose a partner for them. Later they agree to marry. There is a decision. They can say yes or no.

With the wide popularity of this custom abroad, it is inevitable that it can trickle into the amalgamated culture of the US. Immigrants who believe in arranged marriage and often times have had one will carry this tradition with them to a new country. They may also carry on the tradition to their children. Children of immigrants can feel culturally stuck in the middle, feeling not completely American like their peers, but also not fully from the country of their parents. The two cultures and values inevitably will clash.

Puja Gajera is first generation Indian American, born and raised just outside of New York City, but, like many of her peers, she has strong ties to the country where her parents grew up. Many of Gajera’s close relatives living in the US have gotten arranged marriages.

It is not uncommon for people to go to India, not for vacation but for the purpose of finding a spouse. The process is fairly simple. They go to India, meet a few candidates, and make a decision based on factors such as family background, education, accomplishments, and appearance. When they return they don’t return empty-handed, but rather with a wife or husband.

There is also the practice of creating a biodata, what Gajera describes as something akin to a marital resume. Similar to online dating, people make a profile and include their promising qualities and a flattering photograph. Single parties exchange their information in hopes of finding a suitable match. Unlike profiles you may find on Match.com, biodatas tend to be more sensible and focus on education, career, and religion, rather than favorite movies or whether or not you like traveling and Chinese food.

In Indian culture, there is a certain amount of pressure placed upon people to choose the right spouse. “I sometimes feel pressured by my family and my culture to get married,” said Gajera. Despite this pressure, marriage isn’t a priority and doesn’t define who she is. “I want marriage, but I don’t have a deadline.”

But she understands and has great respect for the traditions of her culture. Although she grew up in the US, she understands that the no-nonsense selection process of a spouse is practical. “Arranged marriages look at the type of family a person comes from, and whether or not he or she can match your lifestyle,” Gajera said.

Vipula Yalamanchili, also born in the US, is the child of Indian immigrants. She recognizes the difficulty many Westerners might have with the thought of arranged marriages because “people are accustomed to choosing their friends, co-workers, and work environment.”

She has seen first hand the consequences of some arranged marriages and has mixed feelings. “I’ve learned that an arranged marriage can have quite a range of outcomes from the good, the bad, to the ugly,” said Yalamanchili.

Many Americans view the tradition of arranged marriage with unease because Americans value different ideals when it comes to relationships. They want to know as much as they can about their significant other and often times dissect the relationship to make sure they are making the right decision. Americans want to fall in love before taking the plunge. Even the phrase “taking the plunge” suggests the fear of moving hastily. The idea of marrying someone you just met can seem absurd and careless to someone who hasn’t grown up with a particular way of viewing love.

Some proponents of arranged marriage believe that Westerners could learn a thing or two from the ancient tradition. After all, it is practiced throughout most of the world and is older than the idea of romance itself. Reva Seth, author of First Comes Marriage: Modern Relationship Advice from the Ancient Wisdom of Arranged Marriages, believes that the values of arranged marriages are worth aspiring for. She interviewed over 300 women who had arranged marriages, from various age ranges and economic backgrounds. A grand majority were women of Indian descent who live throughout the globe.

Unlike the notion that love must come before marriage, the arranged marriage approach teaches that love grows and is nurtured after marriage. Since both partners are appropriately matched by practical values and common characteristics, as well as given support by their network of family and friends, the marriage has a higher chance of success.

For the most part, the idea seems to be valid; after all, only 5-7% of arranged marriages end in divorce, where as over 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce. Although it is important to note that most cultures that value arranged marriage always strongly frown upon divorce. For many, divorce places shame on the family, further pressuring the couple to stay together, despite unhappiness, indifference, even abuse. A high divorce rate may be disheartening to some; however, divorce provides the power to leave a horrible situation, an option which many people, particularly women, throughout the world do not have.

Seth does not believe that arranged marriage is the only recipe for success, but rather she proposes that the values can be used as a guide for modern couples looking for happiness. She emphasizes “finding a life partner, not a life saver.”

Admittedly, Western culture has been saturated with romantic ideals that are difficult to uphold in a marriage. The ideal that you must search for your other half, who will complete you as a person, plagues the romantic landscape as dissatisfied singles go on date after date with unreasonable expectations and ultimately disappointment.

Typically, many believe that love is uncontrollable, something that we just fall into, a happenstance like getting caught in torrential downpour, or getting the last piece of chocolate cake at your favorite restaurant. But what creates this feeling? What gives us those ever sought after butterflies we feel flying around in our bellies when we fall head over heels in love?

It certainly has nothing to do with compatibility, at least not at first. It is that je ne sais quoi that makes the hair on the back of our neck stand up when the person of our affection walks into a room.

Should Americans consider the lessons from arranged marriage and start making more prudent choices when it comes to love and marriage? Are we willing to give up on the notion of romantic love to follow a set of guidelines with a promise of success and stability? After all, isn’t the uncertainty, the chance, the risk what makes romance so exciting? Although when it comes to true love, it doesn’t seem wise to make such an important decision based on a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach.

Feelings come, and they may pass, and if we based our love solely on the inconsistency of our emotions there would be no promise to love someone forever. Because in the end marriage, and ultimately love, is a promise you make to someone, a decision that you strive to uphold, in the uncertain waters of cynics and statistics, where even if all odds are stacked up against you, you want to prove everyone wrong.